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Tormenting Telemarketers
THIS IS WHERE THE CHANGE IS!!!!!
Tormenting Telemarketers: A Game You Can Play at Home!
Everyone has gotten a call from a Telemarketer. The new Scourge of the
Telephone System. Previously when the phone rang, you always wondered if it was
someone you knew, or another schmuck with something to sell. Well, the time has
come to turn the tables. We need to take control of our own phones. We need to
take the ``market'' out of Telemarketing.
Premise:
Telemarketers take the brute force approach to making sales. If you talk to a
whole bunch of people, someone will buy what you are selling.
Counter-Tactic:
Waste as much of their time as you can. For each minute that you waste means
several potential customers that will not be reached. Make Telemarketing
unprofitable. Hanging up only increases the changes for them to make a sale.
Don't let this happen!
Hints:
Most of the preliminary stuff is done by someone making minimum wage, and
reads a script. Let them finish. It's easy points, and you were watching Star Trek
and weren't using your phone anyway. It's easy to keep them interested using
``attentive grunting'', similar to when your mother calls.
Scoring:
Basic Point System:
For each minute spent on the phone 10 pts.
Getting transfered to someone who makes
more than minimum wage 15 pts
For each minute spent on the phone with
person making more than minimum wage 25 pts
Bonus Points:
Getting them to repeat part of the "script" 5 pts/each
Getting answers to stupid questions 15 pts/each
Changing the subject 50 pts/each
Making the sales person angry 175 pts
Making the sales person use profanity 750 pts
Get their boss on the phone, and tell them
the salesman used profanity 1500 pts
Getting their 1-800- number 10 pts
Posting their 1-800- number to alt.sex as
a free "Phone Sex" line 50 pts
Checking the number a week later and it is
busy or disconnected 5000 pts
Example:
<Ring>
Me: Yes?
Them: Hi, I'm with Fly-By-Night Carpet Cleaning
and we're in your area [...] [start clock->]
Them: [...] would like to know it you are interested?
Me: Sure...
Them: Well, we are currently offering [...]
Them: [...] depending on the size of the rooms.
Me: Well, how much for the whole house?
Them: Let me transfer you to <???> [15 bonus pts!]
Them: Sir?
Me: Yes?
Them: How large is your house? [25 pts/min!]
Me: Oh, about 2,000 sqft.
Them: [...] Well, that would be about $xxx
Me: It won't hurt the floor, will it? [stupid ?]
Them: Oh, no! We use a [...this usually takes some time!...]
and is completely safe.
Me: Even with my pets? [stupid ?]
Them: Oh, yes. The chemicals we use [...]
Me: Do you have to pre-treat, since I have pets?
Them: Yes, and we do that with [...] [repeat!]
Me: But the original offer was for $39.95, does that
include treating for pets?
Them: [...]
Me: Well, it is kindof dirty. The guys were over for
the game. Did you see the Cowboys vs. the Rams?
[subject change]
Them: Yes.
Me: What a game! That last touchdown pass! Wasn't that
a great play?
Them: Well, back to your house...
Me: Oh yes, what about moving the furniture?
Them: [...]
Me: Do you clean furniture, too? Those guys spilled some
beer. Have you smelled old beer on furniture before?
But what a game, eh?! I couldn't believe that they
couldn't move the ball in the second quarter...
[...] [subject change]
Them: Ahem... Would you like us to come out? [angry???]
Me: Well, when could you come out?
Them: How about next week?
Me: Hmmm... Morning or afternoon?
Them: Either would be fine.
Me: Do you have anything the week after?
Them: Sure, can I put you down for Tuesday?
[Okay, let's try for those last big bonus points:]
Me: Well, I don't think it matters, since I have all
hardwood floors here!
Them: Dammit! <Yes! 250 points!>
<click>
Subject: More games to play with telemarketers
From: arch@jmuarch.cs.jmu.edu (arch harris)
Date: Sun, 30 May 93 4:30:02 EDT
Some additional ``games'' one can play with telemarketers:
1. If you recognize they are telemarketers before you have spoken, pretend you
are an answering machine with a message along these lines. ``Thank you for
calling CMTCC, Citizens for Making Telemarketing a Capital Crime. We now have
the support of about 25% of the legislature. Soon we will be able to execute
those worthless, money grubbing dregs, making the earth a better place to live.
Please send your tax deductible contribution to...''
2. See how many times you can put them on hold. First make sure you get the
name of the person you are talking to, because sooner or later they will hang
up. Then if they call you again, you can express your righteous indignation at
being hung up on, and let them know you were going to buy/contribute, but given
the rudeness of ... you have decided not to. They key to this one is make the
time they have to hold fairly short. After 30 seconds or so tell them you have
to turn down the stove and put them on hold for 45 secs. On returning, ask them
to start their pitch again. Every time you return have them restart their
pitch. Some good excuses for putting them on hold for a short while: the kids
are fighting, the pet needs to go in/out, the baby is into ?, someone is at the
door, you have a call on another line, ...
3. If you have an answering machine, turn it on so they can here you are
recording the call. Make sure you get the person's name, and the company's name
and address. Then inform them something like this. ``Under state law I am
hereby notifying you that you (you as an individual and the company) are
prohibited from calling this number (xxx-xxxx) to solicit ever again. If you or
the company calls again, you personally and the company will be liable for
penalties up to $10,000. Is this clear?'' Just something to hopefully make
them nervous. (Actually Virginia came pretty close to passing a law like this.
Unfortunately, the telemarketing lobby bribed our legislature into killing the
bill. Maybe next year...)
4. After they have gone through their entire sales pitch, tell them how
interested you are. But first, you want to talk to them about ... Then launch
into a pitch for them to contribute to some charity that sounds quasi-legit but
is really just for your personal benefit. If they do not contribute, then hang
up in righteous indignation that they are such uncaring human beings. If they
will, give then a address to send the contribution to, thank them, and hang up
before they have a chance to change the subject back to what they called you
about.
5. After they have given their entire sales pitch, say you are interested but
first you need the telemarketer's personal home phone number. When they ask
why tell them that they have your personal home number so before you complete
the deal, you want to be on even ground with them and you need their number. If
they don't give it to you, yup, you guessed it, hangup in righteous
indignation. If they do, say you will call back to order/contribute. Then do so
at some reasonable hour, in case they have given you a phony number. But if it
is a correct number, post it on the net. Not so anyone would harrass this
person, ;) but so all of us would have the opportunity to contact this person
about whatever it is that is being telemarketed. And since so many of us are
night owls, we will be calling at a time convenient to us, like 4 am. ;)
#!/bin/bash
# hello - just a simple script for demonstration of chmod
#
# Kurt Schmidt
#
# 1/04
#
# Demonstrates: echo
#
clear
echo " "
echo " "
echo " "
echo "Hellooooo! My name is $USER. Have a good break?"
echo " "
echo " "
echo " "
1.Hello?
Q1: Complete all edits in this file, as directed by the file, save as vi_lab, and submit along w/your lab.
Q2: -rw-r--r-- 1 hdd29 hdd29 8060 Apr 7 18:18 funny
-rwxr-xr-x 1 hdd29 hdd29 240 Apr 7 18:18 hello.bash
-rw-rw-r-- 1 hdd29 hdd29 60 Apr 7 00:46 lab1
-rw-rw-r-- 1 hdd29 hdd29 44 Apr 7 00:54 tutor
-rw-rw-r-- 1 hdd29 hdd29 33224 Apr 7 01:08 vi_lab
Q3: If enter chmod 644, permission will be: personal: read and write, group: read only, public: read only
Q4:If enter chmod 755, permission will be: personal: read, write and execute, group&public: read and execute
Q5: yes, you can read because 6 = 4+2 and 4 is read
Q6: Yes you can read it, the same reason as the above
Q7: No I were not.It said "Permission denied"
Q8: Either typing 'chmod 7xx hello.bash' (with x is any number validly correspond to the permission) or use command 'bash hello.bash' to open up an environment for hello.bash first then open the file in that environment
Q9:The change made in 'funny' is saved. I had the permission to read and write the file
Q10:
These are the things that happened:
hdd29@tux3:~/CS265$ ls *
annoy annoy.cc itemList itemList-2cols TelecomTruths UnitTestingPhase
FirstLab:
Lab1:
lab01
hdd29@tux3:~/CS265$ ls a*
annoy annoy.cc
hdd29@tux3:~/CS265$ ls *m*
itemList itemList-2cols TelecomTruths
hdd29@tux3:~/CS265$ ls anno?
annoy
hdd29@tux3:~/CS265$ ls annoy?
ls: cannot access 'annoy?': No such file or directory
Q11: It was saying that there is 2 files to edit. However, when doing ls at the directory, it only listed out the file with the name before the [space] sympbol: a
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN">
<html>
<head>
<meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1">
<meta http-equiv="content-language" content="en-us">
<meta name="author" content="not me">
<title>Hanh page</title>
</head>
<body bgcolor="#fffff">
<!-- get your own backgrounds (steal them from somebody besides me) -->
<center>
<h1>This is Hanh's page</h1></center>
<center>
<h2>
<a href="http://www.cs.drexel.edu/">Department of Computer Science<br>
</a>at <a href="http://www.drexel.edu">Drexel University</a></h2></center>
<table width="90%">
<tr>
<th align="left" width="20%">Major:</th>
<td>Computer Engineering</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th align="left">Office:</th>
<td>Kulicke and Soffa</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th align="left">Email:</th>
<td>
<a href="mailto:hdd29@drexel.edu">hdd29@drexel.edu</a>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th align="left">Phone:</th>
<td>2672853736</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th align="left" valign="top">Minor</th>
<td>CS maybe</td>
</tr>
</table>
<hr width="100%">
<table>
<tr>
<td valign="top">I will not change this just for today. But this is to prove that I can
I had the poor luck to attend a meeting after sleeping
all night on a rug. :/
<p>You can align images right or left, but it gets messy. The easiest
thing to do, if you don't want text around your image, is to just wrap
it with a paragraph tag:<br>
<tt>&lt;p align='center'&gt;&lt;img
src="/~kschmidt/images/kurtRug.jpeg"&gt;
&lt;/p&gt;</tt>
<p>But for placement, you'll want to pull out a table, and place the
image in one of the cells, as is done here
</td>
<td><img src="http://www.cs.drexel.edu/~kschmidt/images/kurtRug.jpeg"></td>
</tr>
</table>
<h2>Course(s) I'm Currently Taking</h2>
<ul>
<li>CS265</li>
<li>That is it, nothing more</li>
<li>Im on co op actually</li>
</ul>
<hr size="6" color="#0000cc">
<p>Different color?
<hr size="6" color="#996699">
<h2>Some Links I Get a Kick Out Of</h2>
<ol>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R__1rgcRvYM">Cute Beagle puppy compilation</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.doonesbury.com/">Doonesbury Electronic Town
Hall</a></li>
<li><a
href="http://www.xmission.com/~mwalker/dq/quayle/qq/quayle.quotes.html">
Dan Quayle Quotes</a> (I know, he's been gone a while, but I just can't
give it up)</li>
</ol>
<hr>
<p>Here's a table w/borders:
<table border="1" width="25%">
<tr>
<th width="33%">&nbsp;</th>
<th width="33%">2</th>
<th width="33%">4</th>
</tr>
<tr>
<th>2</th>
<td>4</td>
<td>8</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th>4</th>
<td>8</td>
<td>16</td>
</tr>
</table>
<hr width="100%">
<font size="-1">Last updated Aril 7</font>
</body>
</html>
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